Like a good little Catholic boy, I budget a good portion of my annual income for charitable purposes. It ranges from change for the guy on the corner to large gifts to education, medical research, and social service agencies. I avoid the the in-your-face Honeywell/United Way Give Once campaign because I do not believe the United Way runs a sufficiently efficient ship (when its chairwench makes over $275,000 a year), and I know that pisses the HON off b/c I don’t contribute to their little posters that tout what good GO sponsors we are. Now we want to call it HERO (Honeywell Employees Reaching Out)? Like the great charitable giant Honeywell is going to singlehandedly improve this dustbowl of a town? I got your reaching out right here, Honeywell. I’m already reaching out to give you yet another precious hour of my life to make your goddamn numbers. Don’t ride the wave of my charity to your own glorification, you corporate whores. You wanna reach out, just keep your air and water outputs clean, and treat your employees with some goddamn respect. But keep your hands off of my holy obligation!

And now for something completely stupid: ASU!

A letter received yesterday, written 8/15/00.

Dear Mr. H:

I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted with regular status to the Graduate College of ASU Main. If you do not plan to register for the semester indicated above, please notify this office in writing as soon as possible. …

I wish you success in your graduate studies at ASU Main.

Sincerely,
Bianca L. Bernstein, Ph.D.
Dean

…

Dear Dean Bernstein,

Thank you for your offer of admission into the Graduate College. However, I have chosen to pursue an advanced degree in Materials Science at the Georgia Institute of Technology, and therefore must decline your offer.

My application to Arizona State University was submitted and processed some five months ago. After a few fruitless phone calls, I came to believe that the University’s prolonged silence and inaction was indicative of the level of service and development I would receive as a student there. In a matter of a few weeks, my application to Georgia Tech was processed, a visit for interviews was conducted, and admission with full scholarship, assistantship, and fellowship was offered. I accepted their offer with similar expedience.

Again, thank you for the offer and best of luck in future graduate student recruiting.

Regards,

SH
Engineer II
Honeywell Engines & Systems



Read more filed under Uncategorized