Mon 18 Jul 2005
Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax. No wait, buying more prescription drugs would further line the pockets of the right-wing pharmaceutical lobby lap-dogs. Maybe we should just redouble, nay retriple, efforts to reform marijuana laws so we could all just mellow out a bit and not be so hot under the collar.
What in the cracked out haze am I talking about? I’ll tell you. For Mother’s Day this year, only one gift was asked of me: that I endeavor to curtail my reliance (particularly in this public forum) on the f-bomb. I have to tell you, it’s been pretty f’ing hard. Especially when I see all the f’ing crap going on with these f’ing right-wingnuts trying to f with all the things I thought made America a pretty f’ing cool country. I mean J H f’ing C. Seriously.
But there’s a real serious point there. According to this astute analysis, the lead in the drinking water of the Democratic strategy is that all the left-leaning blogs are too potty-mouthed and vitriolic. Now of course, all the right-leaning bloghards are blogging around patting themselves on the back. “See, I told you so,” and “Center-right blogger power! We are the mainstream!”
I hate to concede it but I’m sure there’s some shred of validity on that side of the world, the sector of the blogosphere populated by Proud Members of the Electoral-Based Community (so as to distinguish themselves from the Reality-Based Community, because who needs to deal with reality when all that matters is winning votes?). Mostly I’m just conceding that certain comments on left-leaning blogs are rather ill-conceived, ineloquent, and pointlessly profane. I love me some f-bomb, but there’s a certain art and rhythm to profanity that one needs to learn to use it well.
However, I’m not about to cave on just how pissed off we lib’ruhls are and embrace the delusion that our heated rhetoric is the true barrier to successful administration of progressive policy. One of the bloghards — I forget which, they all look the same to me — even suggested the bitter potion of left-blogs be pumped into “mainstream America” so that it would further alienate John Q. Public from our message, so icky wicky with its cuss words, ludicrous comparisons to gulags, and Bush-bashing. But I really think it’s just a case of potayto, potahto here. From the right, you can look at us and say we’re “out of touch with the mainstream” because sometimes our ire gets the better of us. But from the left, I might suggest — just a suggestion, mind you — that the rightwingnuts have a more receptive audience for their message of new world order because so much of their constituency is too blinded by fear and hatred to do anything but cling to Big Brother for protection. Don’t listen to those lib’ruhls, look out! They love terrorists! They eat babies! They have the anal sex! They hate Jesus! Now hold me tight, hand over your Bill of Rights, and watch some quality Rupert Murdoch television! No wonder Ken Mehlman was finally willing to apologize (to a group his figurehead still won’t dare address) about the so-called “Southern strategy” of divisive, racist fear-mongering (once they realized it was politically ineffective). Why would they need to make you hysterical over your new black neighbors when they’ve got some perfectly good towel-head camel jockey scapegoats?
Certainly not all of their constituency is motivated by the fact that even in the 21st century they have not managed to shed the last subconscious tendrils of fear and hatred of all things queer, colored, or non-Christian (and that includes Catholics, too). I’m sure a good chunk of them are just so captured by lust of Mammon that they don’t care what color you are or who you shag, just so long as they keep making good business free from regulation by populating our oversight agencies by oil, chemical, and pharmaceutical industry hacks.
Maybe we do look like madmen on the left with all our screaming and cursing. But we scream and curse because we see the country we love being driven into the ground; we see our privacy and liberty constrained; we see our environment being desecrated; we see webs of lies go unpunished; we see a war that has made us less safe at home; we see all kinds of un-Christian social injustice even though you call us godless for not taking your version of religion down our throats; and when none of you wingnuts give a rat’s ass about it it makes us go a little boggo!
So to end on a more dignified, blogtactful note: we may be crazy, but you’re just retarded, nyaaa nyaaa nyaaa nyaaa, nanny nanny boo boo pbbbbbbt!!!
* Yes, this was leftwingnutty piss and vinegar, full of generalizations, hyperboles, and Wilsonesque literary flair. Go sit and spin if you don’t take it with a grain of salt.
