If only I could get BBC world news or something on the tube to start my day, rather than be bludgeoned non-stop by a single sensational story by the American info-tainment “news media.” I'm sure there's some interesting things going on in the world right now, but all I can watch for breakfast is this terribly dull and uninformative Challapalooza, as Israelis challenge the Catholic Church's hegemony in use of the word “pullout.”

Aren't there any missing white women?