Wed 3 Jan 2007
This is my toilet. My toilet has a bucket. My toilet has a bucket for to flush, not for to poop in. My toilet, she no flush since the New Year’s Day. The toilet, she resolve to not eat so much poop, like me, only more literal-like.
I call awesome landlord on New Year’s Day, wish happy new year, and ask for to please come fix pooper. Plumber take sweet time coming over on not-so-New-Year’s Day, so I go to office for to work. And for to poop. I come back to find note from plumber promise to fix pooper the next day. Cannot fix the pooper that day, must shut off water to whole building. Building very sad. No one to poop for three hours.
Plumber leave bucket. Bucket is for to flush, says note. Living in BSM Investments building like being caveman, says Shelby. BSM even sound like poop, which is deceiving, for there is no to pooping in here. Just the BSM taking the money. Not taking the poop.
Today, water on all day. Building happy! Everybody poop! Except for Shelby. Water on all day because plumber lied. Plumber no come get bucket, no come fix toilet. Shelby sad.
Methinks I just start to poop in bucket. “Here is your bucket! Thank you for bucket! Good luck with bucket,” will say I.
F’ing bucket.






January 4th, 2007 at 9:36 am
You should fill the bucket and then return the beautiful bucket with the addition of the word “NOT” right above “wind fresh”.
Aside from that this post was hilarious. I like the language of your new alter-ego.
January 4th, 2007 at 11:25 am
In my head this post was sung by UB40.
January 4th, 2007 at 11:29 am
OMG that IS better! Red red wine mek me fee’ so fine, monkey gotta poopy in a bucket dees time, yeeeahhhh…
January 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
I don’t understand what the bucket is for if you’re not pooping in it… how does it make the toilet flush?
January 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
HA HA HA HA.
Oh man, I needed that in a bad way. Two wonks up.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Children’s books. Look into it.
January 5th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I’m not one to laugh out loud very often - it usually involves someone caught on video getting hurt. But this post totally cracked me up. Bravo!
January 7th, 2007 at 3:01 am
I’ve been holding onto this award and being very selective as what prosaic prowess would merit it. You get the prestigious Queen Dee’s First Funniest Blog Entry of 2007 Award. I’ll expect an acceptance speech in DC.
Shelby blog is for to funny to me.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
BSM Investments screwed me out of a grand and an apartment. Not nice people. At All.