As if the data reduction, debugging, data re-reduction, unwanted editorial input, and general angst of writing wasn’t enough, I’ve got one more nitpicking hurdle to clear before I publish again: a cover letter.

What is this, a job application? Why does this journal need a cover letter? My creative juices are tapped, I have no more in me for a cover letter. Here, how’s this?

Dear Dr. Editor,
Here is a paper I wrote all bloody semester. I hope you like it because it practically ruined Christmas and has caused immeasurable acid reflux damage. I’m pretty sure it will be interesting and possibly useful for some of your readers, but let’s be honest, it’s just one of those papers that gets written because that’s what you’re supposed to do in grad school, and my advisor said we needed more publications. So please, pretty please, just print the g-damn thing. I mean, it’s about crack, and really, wtf else is there to do? It’s a crack paper with pretty plots and equations that took me several days to come up with. You should give it bonus points for using the program that was developed in your lab, in spite of the headaches it gave me over discretization of vertex loads in the local coordinate system. My paper also has the unique advantage, judging from articles I’ve read in your journal before, of being written in real, actual English, with subject-predicate agreement, linking verbs, and no unnecessary sprinklings of the definite article, so like, giddyup. F’ing print it and let’s all move on with our lives. God.
Kiss kiss,
Me.



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