Well damnit. The Georgia Institute of Technology has finally implemented some actual technology. Implemented it right in my keister, they did. Yes, here at Georgia Tech, where I have to walk up a flight of stairs to use the bathroom, petitioning to graduate requires taking a carbon copy form in triplicate to three buildings, and any official online departmental business still requires Internet Explorer for Windows, one ambitious office has finally gone to the trouble of connecting one database to another to figure out the obvious.

The Parking Office finally figured out I owe them $120.

I’ve never registered my car with GaTech, as the cost of a parking permit is almost as much as I spend on gas in a year (well, it was when gas was $2), and besides, I like putting my life in the hands of people who are texting and drinking a latte while driving in a bad mood. Which of course means there’s very little room in their hands for my life. Hmm.

But apparently back in 2002, when I made a few short visits to campus to drop off something heavy like a rod of some sort, I parked in a naughty spot and got cited. Who knew! The wind must’ve blown them off or something. I’ve always had really crummy windshield wipers! Goodness gracious.

So it only took ‘em five years, but I guess GT Parking finally figured out how to cross reference a license plate number with the Georgia DMV and then look me up with the registrar. Hot damn, with database skills like that, we oughta have them start looking for al Qaeda members!

And since they surely won’t give me a degree now until they get another pound of flesh, I guess even with this minor oversight I’ll still be 12 years ahead of Barack Obama in the outstanding ticket department.

My political career is saved. My beer money is not.



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