Well, I knew this would happen. Trying to reach out and touch so many people, so many all at once, most of whom are complete strangers, in a reckless, just-for-kicks, damn-the-consequences little internet tryst is finally catching up with me.

I have teh Ronpes.

The Ronpes, or more scientifically, Herpes Simplex RP, afflicts some 90% of the YouTube population. Many YouTubers don’t even know they have it! And while you can treat the symptoms when you detect an outbreak of Ronpes, there is still no cure for the underlying disease, and you never know when they’ll flare up again.

I’m referring, of course, to the thousands of insane, rabid Ron Paul supporters who apparently do nothing else all day long but watch every YouTube video that comes up and leave Ron Paul comments on them. I haven’t seen anything so pervasive and frightening since Scientology, or maybe Harry Potter. And now, I’m covered in Ronpes.

I’ve been poking around in the political YouTubebosphere for a while, as you’ve noticed, and I think I’d gotten one Ron Paul comment before, on my Newt Gingrich video — before I finally shut down the comments, getting a little tired of Republicans swinging by to tell me what a mouth breathing retard I was in my parents’ basement, among the lighter fare. Then there was the Hillary Clinton music video, which got me hot flashes of facetime on some networks, and another couple Ronpes.

And now, I am, as of this posting, the #49 Most Viewed YouTuber of the day, and the putative CNN/YouTube question for Mike Gravel (the Ron Paul of Democrats, you might say) is the #24 Most Viewed movie of the day, and I got the Ronpes breaking out all over creation. “Vote Ron Paul!” “You mean like Ron Paul?” “Yeah, Gravel’s funny and original. Maybe he can be Ron Paul’s VP!” “Vote Dr Ron Paul for USA President! Register Republican for primary election!” (That guy doesn’t even have the English down.) And someone who is particularly stumped by my take of the Rock/Lake video has no problem with revising the tax code: “whats your point i dont get it. I do understand Ron Paul will eliminate the IRS and enforce the constitution and the rule of law. Ron Paul Revloution [sic].”

They’re everywhere, and they’re bringing new meaning to the term “viral video.” I may be breaking out like Jessica Simpson off her ProActiv, but at least I don’t have it as bad as the actual, non-Ron-Paul politicians who have unmoderated YouTube comments. They’ve got lePaulsy.

Perhaps YouTube viewer JoeFelice said it best to these quixotic internet freaks:

My Ron Paul Robot will produce unlimited electricity from potato clocks. Ron Paulbot will roundhouse kick Chuck Norris to the face. Ron Paulbot has metal sex appeal and urinates gold coins and will ride into Washington on a winged seahorse of MegaDemocracy. Lightning bolts! Lunar eclipse! When they say Ron Paul… you say BOT!

Cheers, JoeFelice, cheers to you!



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