shelbinator.com

I want to talk to you about a problem.

A little problem we call ED.

ED is primarily a personal responsibility. But this is an American problem that affects us all. We are all responsible for our ED. And the future of our nation depends on whether we can come together to meet this challenge head on.

If you have ED or think you may have it, you are not alone. ED affects millions of people in the United States. But sometimes, the state of our ED makes it hard to, you know, finish the job. We hope that our presidential candidates will offer genuine leadership on ED rather than empty rhetoric and tell voters how they intend to strengthen America so we can handle ED appropriately. And you can do something about it.

Me, I got ED from an email. (Damn, you get one lousy debate press pass, and suddenly, your equipment is all junked up. With issue-PAC spam.)

Here is the latest news and information from the EDin08 Campaign. Below is the recent EDin08 Blog Posts, Press Releases, and Mentions in the Media, feel free to blog and post any of the information below. If you would like to not be on this Press List just email me and let me know.

We would also like to send you an EDin08 Tshirt.
Just let us know your Address and Shirt Size and well send one over.

Oh. Yeah. Right. Because what every thirty-something bachelor wants to wear around town is this t-shirt:

Now I love the education lobby, particularly for bringing me a Ghostbuster to give props to my candidate, but come on, even the anti-AIDS crowd has better, more fashionable marketing. I’m sorry, Cialis beat you to the acronym; get a new slogan for us to wear so we can, um, rise to the occasion.

And yes, for the record: the EDin08 education lobby publicity email tonight contained one split infinitive, one run-on sentence, one subject-predicate mismatch, and one missing apostrophe. They must be pretty hard up for communications volunteers.

Oh and hell yes I am still asking for a free shirt. This could be vlogging gold.

The AJC’s Political Insider blog wins this month’s Worst Headline Evar!!1! competition with news of a local endorsement:

Hank Johnson pitches his tent with the Obama camp
Hank Johnson has plighted his troth to Barack Obama — the first Democratic congressman in Georgia to publicly align himself with that candidate’s presidential campaign.

I mean I know he’s bright and clean and a good lookin’ guy but jeez.

NAJAF, Iraq — Abu Hamza al Muhajir has resigned as al Qaeda’s figurehead in Iraq after problems with claims he made on his resume were uncovered.

Shelbinator.com has learned that, according to warlords in Ruffa, Sudan, Abu Hamza never earned a master of arts degree in explosives and demolitions at their former al Qaeda training camp, as claimed in this year’s Karbala Killaz jihadi media guide. An assistant registrar at the Ruffa camp said that al Muhajir attended the camp for two semesters, but never completed his degree.

“Due to a selfish and thoughtless act many years ago, I have personally embarrassed al Qaeda, its martyrs and fans,” al Muhajir said in a statement released Sunday on a jihadist website.

“We really should have vetted him more thoroughly,” said a senior al Qaeda official on condition of anonymity. “I mean, in retrospect, we didn’t know anything about him we didn’t read online. Come on, the guy’s name, if that is in fact his name,” said the official, referring to questions surrounding his identity, “means `the exile’ in some contexts, for crying out loud. Exiled for what? Who the hell is this guy? I hate to say we should have seen this coming, inshallah.”

The sudden resignation was one of the most embarrassing blows to the storied al Qaeda insurgency, famous for the cell-phone IED, online beheadings, and surviving rape rooms. This returns al Qaeda to a desperate hunt to find a new leader who will rebuild momentum in the insurgency, after having fired its previous head coach, Abu Musab al Zarqawi, for prematurely martyring himself.